The "I met a guy" syndrome.

I was lying in bed watching some random discovery channel show (because discovery channel rocks my socks) before I decided to go off to sleep, as I am accustomed to keeping my cell phone on my bed for convenience of alarms and calls in the morning I was quite startled as it began to ring on its highest volume, I picked it up and glanced at the name, "Ash". I hadn't talked to Ashley in a while and wondered what she wanted so I quickly hit the "send" button to answer it (which, incidentally should be labeled "call" or "connect").

She began to regale me with the events of the past few months, as it had been quite a while since we'd been in contact, one of the things she mentioned was that she had "met a guy", I found this to be amusing and thought to myself "it's already a doomed relationship". Now there are two reasons why this crossed my mind, the first of which is simply the amount of boyfriends Ashley goes through on a yearly basis, a pattern of meeting someone, and then breaking up with them 2-4 weeks later.

Now, while I love her to death I'm still concerned with her current paradigm, one which is massively self-involved, and lacking a good deal of outward concern for others, in other words, she can tend to be selfish and "high maintenance". Now, while all of that plays into the ultimate demise of all of her relationships, the main issue is what I like to call the "I met a guy" syndrome.

I Met A Guy Syndrome
noun
1. The unfortunate mindset that you can, and should, date someone who you have met not more than 2 weeks prior.
"I'm hot, you're hot, let's have sex."

While I know the example is not completely realistic, it is eerily close to the scenarios that happen a good majority of the time.

The issue here in a great deal of society is the fact that nobody ever takes the time to get to know another person.
"But Kibs, I thought dating was what you did to get to know someone"
Yes, dating is, but what is dating? Nowadays dating is what was once known as "courting". IN other words, people nowadays skip the initial dating and skip straight to courtship, which often leads to failure of the relationship at one point or another down the road.

The best way I can explain all of this is through example.

Situation A.
Dick and Jane have seen eachother around the bars and local clubs a few times, Dick is impressed with Jane's looks and approaches Jane and asks if she'd like a drink, Jane obliges, seeing as Dick is quite the charming fellow. They begin talking about their lives and what they like to do and find that they have a few things in common. The Last Call goes out for drinks and they both decide to have one more, as the night comes to an end Dick invites Jane to his apartment to "talk" over some more drinks, and idle television, barely an hour passes and Dick and Jane are involved in some heavy kissing and makin' outs. One thing leads to another and we find Dick and Jane in bed practicing gymnastics. Jane decides she likes Dick and she accepts an invitation to move in with Dick. A few weeks or months pass, perhaps they got married, perhaps they didn't, but at this point marriage is nothing more than an official formality for Dick and Jane, as the only thing that would change for them is the way they file taxes. Jane has found several things about Dick she does not like, and Dick has begun to notice that Jane is a little too needy for him, the relationship soon ends in a disastrous argument, and they soon return to their club life, and the cycle repeats itself.

What went wrong?
Dick and Jane had only met a few times, neither of them had really gotten to know one another, and hadn't felt eachother out very well. They also had sex far too early in their relationship, this is a key factor in the failure of the relationship.

Why?
Sex affects men and women differently. Did you know that after premarital sex women feel a deeper sense of closeness to their partner, while men often slightly lose interest in their partner?

Why is this?
The way men and women are programmed to view sex. Simply put, women (and men, initially) feel that sex is a bonding agent in a relationship, while men (nowadays) view sex as a goal of a relationship.

The simple fact of the matter is that sex is not intended to be a recreational activity, it is meant to be between a husband and wife, in the bond of marriage.

"Kibs, you're just a religious nut, sex isn't some kind of religious institution, it's an evolutionary tool for procreation"

Evolutionarily speaking, sex is meant to procreate, meaning that anything other than its intended use, to create children, is a misuse, and what usually happens when we use a tool for something other than its intended purpose? Something gets messed up, and we end up hurting ourselves.

In short: Don't have sex if you're not in a position to raise a child. That includes two parents, a roof over its head, and food. Because we all know that kids under single parents often develop issues.

Statistics show that two people who have premarital sex in a relationship are highly more likely to break up than those who do not. It is also a fact that spontaneous relationships are also highly likely to fail.

Situation B.
Mike and Jamey have been good friends since childhood, and have gotten to know eachother very well, they have dated other people, and have always remained good friends, unfortunately the other relationships hadn't worked out. One day, Jamey notices that she's been thinking about Mike a lot, and he has a similar revelation, after a bit of dodgy conversation they both agree that they have begun to like eachother in a way more than just friends, and decide to go on a few dates, while taking it slow, the first date is slightly awkward, and they're both nervous, despite how well they already know eachother, they decide it went well afterward and they agree to go on a few more, eventually they realize that they are very compatible, and decide to court, or "go steady". A few years pass and, out of respect for one another, they've only kissed, Mike decides it's time for them to take their relationship to the next step, and buys a ring, he eventually finds the right time and place, and asks Jamey to marry him, excited, she answers yes. The better part of a year passes and Mike and Jamey are now married, and living together in a nice home. They grow old together, and spend the rest of their lives fully in love with one another, although there had been some rough times, they both knew that their marriage had never truly been in jeopardy.

What they did right:
Simple, they didn't rush, they got to know eachother first, this is key in the success of a relationship, you can't simply rush into a relationship with someone you barely know, it's just not smart. As they used to say, your spouse is your best friend. People may hear this nowadays and think that it simply means that you end up becoming best friends with who you marry. Wrong.

"But Kibs, Mike and Jamey may have had some differences, and idiosyncrasies that bothered the other person."

Yes, there are things about people that can eventually begin to annoy someone, but this is in no way any reason to break up with the person, a relationship isn't a status, it's a process. In a relationship you have to work with your partner on both ends to help make the other happy, that means sacrifices. Here's two examples.

Bpth Dick and Mike have a habit of leaving their dirty laundry on the bathroom floor, both Jane and Jamey are tired of having to clean this up, however, they go about handling it in different ways:

Jane:
Jane puts up with it for a little while, slightly hinting that it bothers her, Dick doesn't pick up on her hints, as he and Jane haven't gotten to know eachother very well still. Jane eventually erupts at Dick about how she's tired of him leaving his laundry on the floor, very soon a large argument breaks out, Jane argues that she shouldn't have to clean up his clothes for him, and Dick argues that it's not such a big deal.

What went wrong?
They both initially made mistakes, Dick had no consideration for his partner, and simply did as he pleased, while Jane didn't bring it to Dick's attention until she was already very mad about it.

Jamey:
Jamey brought it to Mike's attention very early on in their marriage that she didn't appreciate him leaving his dirty laundry on the floor, he agreed to be more cautious in the future, but asks that she give him some leeway if he happens to do it again, as it is a habit of his he's going to have to consciously break, she agrees to not get mad if it accidentally happens.

What they did right:
Very early on at the beginning of the problem it was brought to the other's attention in a non-hostile manner, they both agreed to modify their behavior and be more conscious of their partner's feelings.

You see, the main thing that can keep a relationship afloat is selflessness. If one or both of the parties are not willing to make reasonable sacrifices the relationship is going to be strained.

However, you shouldn't simply be a doormat, one person cannot simply sacrifice their happiness for the relationship.

To wrap things up:
Relationships have been commercialized, and anything and everything sacred about them has been distorted into selfish ambitions, and love is almost never a factor. Relationships should be based off of love, not self-indulgent pleasure, and with that I leave you with the original, and best definition of love, what should be the foundation, glue, and structure of every relationship:
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves."
-- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Try here as well

Kibs